Attachment Theory was developed by John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst (1907-1990) in his pioneering work on attachment and loss. It was later expanded by Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999), an American- Canadian development psychologist who designed the ‘Strange Situation,’ a series of observations on the interactions between mothers and babies. Their work explored the bonds between children and their caregivers. It posits that early interactions with caregivers form the foundation for a child’s emotional, psychological and social development.
The theory defines four main attachment styles. There is also a style known as Ambivalent Attachment, which swings along a spectrum between Anxious and Avoidant Attachment.
- Secure attachment - Characterized by trust and comfort in intimate relationships. Children with this attachment style feel confident that their caregivers will meet their emotional needs.
- Anxious (Preoccupied) - These children may be overly dependent on their caregivers for emotional support and can be anxious about the reliability of these relationships.
- Avoidant Attachment - Children with this style appear to be more independent, often distancing themselves emotionally from their caregivers to avoid rejection, hurt or disappointment.
- Disorganised Attachment - This style is marked by a lack of clear attachment behaviour, often resulting from inconsistent or frightening caregiving.
Why is a knowledge of Attachment Theory and Attachment Styles important in Couple Counselling?
Attachment style established in early years and developed in childhood can influence relationships and behaviours to others throughout life, impacting how individuals handle stress, intimacy and conflict.
Understanding your own predominant style and how it impacts your behaviour, thinking and feelings in relationships, particularly in romantic relationships, can be extremely helpful in improving self-awareness and the quality and depth of intimacy, communicating and managing difference.
Is your Attachment Style fixed or can you change your style?
The good news is that Attachment Style is not fixed in adulthood. Once you understand your own style and the predominant style of your partner, friend or colleague, you can start to interact differently. You can start to understand why a person reacts or responds to you in a certain way, be more aware of your and their underlying emotional and psychological needs and address them. Some attachment related behaviour will be unconscious. A better understanding of the dynamics between you can improve how you negotiate the ups and downs of everyday life, be more patient, kinder, less overwhelmed and become more authentic in intimate and loving relationships.
How can I find out more?
Why not try a quiz with your partner as a starting point to explore your predominant and individual styles? There are numerous Attachment Style questionnaires and quizzes available on the internet.
U-tube has some excellent short videos on attachment theory. I highly recommend The School of Life videos, written by the philosopher and psychologist, Alain de Botton, with excellent graphics and transcripts.
Janet Teal Daniel. MBACP (Sen acc and reg), MSc.
https://counsellingwithjanetdaniel.co.uk/
September 2024